The First Real Challenge

Countdown 56 days, 23 hours. 

Church, paperwork, reception-done, done, and done. Photographer, DJ- booked. My gown, bought! Guest list and cake-done and done. Rehearsal dinner-booked! So far, we've got most of the big items out of the way. Surprisingly, these were fairly easy decisions to make. What I thought was the easiest and most fun one though, turned out to be the most tedious and difficult one: The INVITATION.

I thought that when we decided to go digital it would be easier and less stressful because we won't have to worry about the right color, the texture, proofs, mail merges, addresses, seals, and stamps. We wouldn't have to worry about sending it way in advance. And, we would be helping in saving the planet. A digital invite would only require creativity, skill, e-mail addresses, and the send button--yeah, it should be that easy right?

Little did I know that I'm really not that skilled! Creating a digital invite, specially the one that I have in my head is not so easy after all. It's clear in my head but executing what's floating around up in my head is a little challenging. Thanks to Stephani Becerra, a very talented artist, I'm hopefully on my way to realising this idea. But for those of you who need to plan yesterday, please visit ana-joe.com for all relevant information about our wedding. 

P.S. Below is my inspiration for creating this digital invite. It may not be as smooth and flowing as this video by Ryan Woodward, but I hope we can get it close to that.

Pre Cana

"The world has grown suspicious of anything that looks like a happily married life." 

- Oscar Wilde -

May 12, 2011
It's supposed to be the end of the world today. Although this prediction comes from a nut job, it was still worth some marketing dollars and spots on prime time news. BUT for some people--150 to be exact--it wasn't enough of an excuse to skip 10 hours of marriage preparation seminar (precana). That's how Joe and I spent our Saturday. The Catholic Church requires that everyone who wants to get married under the Catholic Church take these sessions for a fee of $195.

I guess it's a small price to pay for something that may or may not help make our marriage work--neither of us knows anything about getting/being married, so I'm not about to pooh-pooh suggestions from people who do know a thing or two.

But however optimistic I was about the idea of a church wedding, I think it's fair to say Joe and I are both dreading this day--and the rumors about the world ending was the least of our worries. We kept an open mind, a very scared, open mind.

The speakers are married and they have three kids. That's a surprise. How long have they been doing this? How long have they been trying to convince young New Yorkers, most of whom are not even religious--some not even Catholics--that getting married in the Catholic Church is a great, "holy" thing to do? How long have they been preaching about love, fidelity, abstinence, and all that? And how many couples have actually walked out of these seminars thinking, "Wow, that was awesome! I can't wait for the next session!" I look at the 150 faces in the room and I see boredom, ambivalence, and annoyance. It's a tough crowd. They are both trying to get a laugh or two out of us. I keep looking at the wife who is still laughing at every joke her husband makes. I wonder if she's heard all of them at this point and she still thinks he's funny.

I wonder what the other couples in the room are thinking. What is Joe thinking about? He seems intent on getting something out of today. That's good. Or maybe he's concentrating on not dozing off.

As for me, I started writing as soon as we sat down. This is great. I'm running out of pages to write on and I've only been sitting here for two hours. I'm picturing different scenarios in my head on why these people are here, what their relationships are like--are all of them happily engaged? Am I the only one thinking about these things. From time to time, I hear something interesting from the speakers and they manage to get my attention.

"Why do you want to get married in the Church?" I look up. The husband asked the room this question. Nobody wants to be put on the spot like this, but a brave woman raised her hand and announced that it was because she wanted Jesus Christ to be a part of their marriage--every day of their lives. I look around me and I can't read any of these faces. And I'm thinking, that's ridiculous. First of all, I doubt if you're always going to be aware of Jesus. And second of all, I don't know if I buy into that. That's technically another man that you want to be a part of your marriage. If it was any other guy you were fantasizing about, this would've been cause for emotional infidelity. But because it's Jesus, it's okay. There are a lot of reasons why people want to marry in a Catholic Church. But from what I am learning today, faith and the holy trinity did not even make it to the top ten reasons couples get married in the Catholic Church. According to statistics, "40% to 50% of Catholic marriages are between a Catholic and a non-Catholic; regional averages may be higher or lower." The top three reasons people choose to marry in a Catholic Church are as follows:

1. It's a nice tradition.
2. My parents want me to.
3. My partner wants to get married in a Church.

I peeked at Joe's answer and his reason is #3. I knew that. As for me, I wanted this because even though I am not religious, I believe certain things are sacred. Marriage happens to be one of them. I just don't think anyone should mess around with, "I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life... for better, for worse...until death do us part." 

These words are almost humanly impossible to follow through if you think about the length of time you're gonna have to do it! I have no doubt that Joe and I will be very happy. However, the consistency of keeping that promise, like everything else that counts, will be a challenge. And I'd like to be able to pull the "help me god" card whenever I need to. Fifty to sixty years is a very long time to be with someone every day of your waking life and I'm not about to pretend that every day is going to be peachy. So if I have to call on a miracle one day, why not?

Musings of a Calm Bride

Count down: Less than five months.

We've booked the church and sent out the save the date. People have told us that we're cutting it too close. By now, we should've had everything set: reception, photographers, dress, etc.

Planning a wedding isn't fun. The thought of planning a party, buying a white, dreamy gown, and a beautiful pair of shoes to go with it, and going to a party with everyone you adore (and equally adores you)-- it's every girl's fantasy. Including me. But actually planning it, while having a full-time job and a lifestyle that you're trying hard to maintain (i.e. dinners and occasional late Saturday nights with friends, weekend vacations, shopping, etc.), something's gotta give. Obviously, I haven't been willing to surrender to the all-too-consuming life of a fiance planning her own wedding. I have yet to be convinced that one night is really all that worth it to give up six months of normalcy in my life, which I happen to like. Can I plan a wedding without turning into an overstressed maniac or is that a rite of passage?

Planning a wedding takes devotion, determination, and discipline. My life as it is takes as much devotion, determination, and discipline--and I already like it the way it is. But every time somebody asks me, "Have you found a dress yet?", and I give my customary shrug and say "Nope", the reaction I get is a look of disbelief, followed by a series of wedding related questions that if it were a test I'd have no chance of passing. And, it makes me question the direction Joe and I have agreed to take. Which direction is that, you ask? Plan a wedding but not at the expense of, #1. Driving ourselves crazy. #2. Giving up "normal".

It's not that I'm not excited. The way I see it, I live in New York City where there are thousands restaurants, hotels, caterers, and event places who would welcome a solid, expected income for one night. And I'm sure we can find more than a handful who can handle a party within a month's (or two) notice. Does it take six months to create a menu for one night? Does is take six months to order linens, table settings, and set up seating arrangements? So, what's with all this nervous rush that people keep telling me I should start having?

As for my dress, I wear a size 0 dress. I can buy it off a rack if I wanted to and have it taken in and hemmed by one of thousands of seamstresses in the city who would more than welcome my business. One of the advantages of living in New York City is the over abundance of service-oriented resources of all types available to everyone willing to pay. Am I going to run out of seamstresses, dressmakers, make-up artists by the time I'm ready to make these decisions? The logical answer would be, no. I say three to four months is more than enough time to find the "right" dress. As for everything else, is there really anything else other than a great party and a great dress to show up in?

Am I wrong? Should I be this calm? Or should I unlock the crazy, frantic bride from her cage and let her reign for the next five months?

St. Patrick's Old Cathedral

On my calendar: Friday, February 4th - 4:30 p.m. - 263 Mulberry St. - meeting with Rosa Jimenez.

Joe and I met with the church's wedding coordinator. We were anticipating a 30-minute, quick, painless meeting. After having spoken to Rosa once on the phone, I got the impression she was always in a hurry so I wasn't worried. I was wrong.

Rosa reminded me of the crazy/funny Aunt. You know, the one who always tells old stories that still makes everyone laugh, asks the questions that your mother wouldn't dare ask, and makes people feel uncomfortable at parties. You feel safe with her because you know nobody will bully you knowing you're related to her. And you love her because she makes you feel normal.

She told us everyone walks out of there feeling like they're her favorite couple. She said she never remembers them so we should send her an e-mail with our picture so she'll know what we're talking about when we speak to her. She also gave us a skeptical look and said, "I've met sweet couples like you before. Nice and sweet at first but by the time the week of your wedding comes..." She didn't finish her sentence. She just gave us a gesticulation of what nasty brides look like.

Our meeting covered everything from booking the church, papers that were required of us, to what we can or can't do with the Church the day of our wedding. Joe took notes. Because Joe likes his lists. Rosa was so impressed by this that she asked if she could marry him. I said no, of course.

The list:

• E-mail her a picture of the two of us
• Request a newly issued baptismal and confirmation certificate
• Letter of freedom from our parish.
• Follow up with her if she doesn't send us our "Together for Life" package
• Go to pre-cana
• Buy a marriage license 
• Meet with the priest for a "matrimonial investigation"
• Contact the music director
• Schedule the rehearsal

One hour later and a few more joking comments (one of which was partly true, "Look at him, he's so mature and you're always giggling over there."), she told us to get out of there so she can answer the phone.

On my calendar: Friday, October 14th - 3:00 p.m. - St. Patrick's Old Cathedral - getting married

The Wedding March

Still a bit apprehensive from last week's Church debacle, Joe and I decided to visit St. Patrick's Old Cathedral. I wasn't feeling up to it but Joey convinced me to get my lazy ass off the couch and do something. So we did.

And I'm glad we did because if I was looking for some sort of big, bold sign, I got something akin to a big, flashing, arrow that says, "You're Here". My sign was a 158-year old grand pipe organ that started playing Mendelssohn's "Wedding March" as soon as I started walking down the aisle.

Well, the organ obviously wasn't playing by itself, the organist happened to be up there practicing. But I thought for a second that the music was all in my head, like in movies when the two lovers run towards each other in slow motion and then a cheesy Barbra Streisand song starts to play in the background.

So I turned around and saw Joe laughing. He heard it too! Well, of course he did. Everybody did because it wasn't all in my head. It was real. Joe goes, "You should practice your walk!" And so I kept walking. This is how everything should feel--certain and destined.

When I reached the end of the aisle, I sat down with a silly grin on my face, thinking, "If that wasn't the sign, that gut feeling I was looking for, then I have a whole 'nuther issue I should be worrying about."

Fun Facts About St. Patrick and St. Patrick's Old Cathedral (But not as fun as St. Lucy's)

1. It is the oldest cathedral in NYC and was elevated to the status of Basilica after celebrating it's 200th birthday in 2009.
2. The pipe organ is still fully functional at 158 years old.
3. St. Patrick's parents were Romans and he grew up in Scotland.
4. As a boy of fourteen or so, he was captured during a raiding party and taken to Ireland as a slave. 
5. The Baptism scene in The Godfather was filmed here, as was the scene in The Godfather, Part III in which Michael Corleone receives an honor from the church. 
6. And, the first time I visited this Church, which was yesterday, the organist was playing Mendelssohn's "Wedding March". 

St. Lucy's... Still Undecided

Little fun and not-so fun facts about St. Lucy and the St. Lucy's Catholic Church in East Harlem: 

• Built in the 1900's for the Italian community in East Harlem. FUN.
• The first Ana and Joe DeVita were married there (Joey's great grandparents). FUN.
• My mother's nickname is Lucy. FUN.
• The pastor is a tiny, little Filipino and so is most of the Church parishioners. FUN. 
• St. Lucy is also known as Lucia of Syracuse, Italy. FUN.
• She was denounced as a Christian to the governor of Sicily by the man she was promised to marry because she didn't want to marry him. They tried to drag her into a brothel, burn her, and gouged her eyes out.  NOT FUN.
• But, they couldn't move or burn her. And God gave her a new set of eyes. FUN.
• They killed her. NOT FUN.
• St. Lucy is the most "kidnapped saint in paradise" because her remains kept getting stolen throughout history and she was finally returned to Syracuse in 2004. NOT FUN.

A Little Bit of FATE

"He was a rationalist, but he had to confess that he liked the ringing of church bells."
Anton Pavlovich Chekhov

This weekend's assignment is to find the right church. I don't know what that means yet, but I'll know it when I see it. It'll be a matter of fate...

I know it sounds a bit pretentious being that we're not religious at all and when it comes to religious preachings and practices, I'd be the first to admit that a lot of them don't make any sense and maybe even hypocritical. But for reasons that I cannot explain, I've always felt at peace when I'm inside a church--and this is one mystery that I'm happy not to question.

The Basics: Timeline and Budget

Like any other plan, it's important to know what kind of timeline and resources you're working with or are willing to work with. I've always expected planning a wedding to be overwhelming, stressful, and exciting all at the same time. And from what I've heard from my friends and seen on TV, it could certifiably drive people crazy. But I guess I didn't know how all that really felt until Joe and I started really getting into it yesterday.

We're Engaged!

October 29th, 2010 - After I said yes. Still weird but ecstatic!
Right after dinner, Joe suddenly developed a stomach ache so he suggested we go home. I wanted to stay and finish my wine but he insisted that we really had to leave so I go, "That bad, huh?"

And I Said, "Yes, of course!"

October 29th, 2010 - Friday.
The day before we left for Mexico, numerous e-mails went back and forth between me and Joe. I had big plans that Friday. I wanted to get a manicure and a pedicure, maybe a little grooming, or buy a couple of new outfits. But as the day progressed, it seemed Joe had plans too--apparently, his was more important than mine.